A prank a day keeps the dog leash away! -- Jello Biafra

Blasphemy and Sacrilege Page

Uh oh. Has this ever hapened to you? *spill* "Oh no ... I spilled this grape juice on my nice shirt. Now it's all ruined." Normally, you would throw that beautiful silk shirt away, but now, thanks to amazing new technology, that shirt can be saved! "Wow! How is that?" Simply apply Super-Jesus-3000 to the stain, and the patented formula will instantly make it disappear ... Like A Miracle!

But wait, that's not all! Super-Jesus-3000 also reincarnates your dead relatives, that special family pet, and will even hook you up for a one night stand with your high-school sweetheart! "Wow! That's amazing! How can I get one?" But wait! There's more! Super-Jesus-3000 also slices, dices, rains for 40 days and 40 nights, creates famines, disease, floods, disasters, and writes his own biography (The New York Times Best Seller The Bible). Think that's amazing? "Wow! It sure is! But how can I get one?"

It's easy! Super-Jesus-3000 is only available through this special TV offer, but you must order now! Supplies are limited, so hurry and dial 1-800-SUPERTENSOPLASTOCHRIST and order your very own Super-Jesus-3000 for the special TV offer price of only $49.99! Checks, Visa, and MasterCard accepted. Sorry, no CODs. Offer valid while supplies last. Void where prohibited by law. Price valid only in the 48 contiguous states. Foreign orders please add $8.00 for shipping and handling.

SUPERTENSOPLASTOCHRIST Inc. assumes no liability for damage incurred while using the Super-Jesus-3000. Reincarnation of dead relatives not guaranteed. Super-Jesus-3000 is only for entertainment purposes. Children under 18 please get parents' permission before calling. Super-Jesus-3000 may cause allergic reactions in some persons. If itching, swelling of the glands, rashes, vertigo, severe diarrhea, vomiting, or fatigue is experienced, discontinue use immediately and consult your physician. Please read all warning and instruction labels thoroughly prior to use. Keep Super-Jesus-3000 and all medications away from the reach of children. It is a violation of federal law to use Super-Jesus-3000 in a manner not consistent with the provided instructions. Violators will be prosecuted. (c) Super-Tensoplastochrist Inc., 1993.

by Daryoush Mansouri

We switched this devout Catholic's Eucharist with I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus bread. Let's see if she can tell the difference with our hidden camera.

"Mmm ... Mighty fine Jesus!"

What would you say if we told you you really ate I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus bread?

"Oh my goodness! I'm definately switching to I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!"

by Mike Janssen and Mark Weber 

If Jesus Christ were to come home today
and steer his cosmic carrier into the driveway of Earth
and breeze through the front door of humanity,
hat in hand and suitcase in other
and let loose with a mighty and mystical bellow
"Humanity, I'm home!"
his words would echo throughout the bowels of humankind's disillusioned abode
gradually, his many followers would recognize his voice
and these children would scamper to the door in stocking feet, greeting
	Jesus with cries of
"What didja bring me, Jesus? What didja bring me?"
because the Second Coming is solely a matter of fulfilled expectations and
	salvation for the greedy
and what if Christ's suitcase is empty?